The Source of Ambition

If you've ever accomplished something that took a long time and great effort, you have received a taste of fulfillment.  For me, unfortunately, this feeling is usually short lived without continuous effort unto some other difficult task which I deem worthwhile.  At which time, I subject myself to suffering to learn and accomplish something new.  There are others which seem to derive a lifetime of pleasure from their accomplishments and are still living off the memory of something long ago accomplished or something bigger which they had a hand in.

Until recently, I have known little bounds to my ambitions.  Really, though that ambition was to seek a new accomplishment which would give me that feeling of accomplishment which would comfort me during times of suffering or great effort.  I know compared to some, my life has had little suffering and much of it in the past ten years has been self-imposed and pushes me toward some greater goal of learning, skill or accomplishment.

Only recently through the study and further acceptance of God's will have I found any kind of lasting fulfillment.  The more I learn, the more questions I have but the more fulfilled I feel.  It's the normal paradox that stems from the familiarization of yourself with any vast body of knowledge or skill, the more you know, the more you realize you don't know.  This lack of knowledge to accomplish a task is often what drives me to further study and practice of the field.

This paradox and motivational method does not spread to spiritual growth.  Spiritual growth asks something of your spirit and in doing so fulfills your spirit which transcend even my own powerful desire to master a skill or knowledge.  Thus by the fruits of the Holy Spirit, I am driven onward, not by my lack of God or spirituality.  One nibble on the spiritual bread is enough to get me from here to Mordor and back.